This picture is
admittedly about a sesquidecade out of date, but outside of a few silver
hairs and some wear and tear, it's not far off the mark. It's also one of
the few pictures of me that doesn't suck. It was taken in Santa Cruz in
1987.
I seem to be blessed. Or cursed. I can't quite seem to figure out which.
You see, I am afflicted with the ability granted to the entirety of the truly intelligent and powerful, the ones who have a better idea on how to go about wielding their energy than most of the general populace. In short, the kind of people that I would like to spend my life around.
The ability is to make a wish on the Universe and have it come true.
In my life, after a time, I have been given what I asked for, only to be shown that it is not what I want, really. I have also been given what I needed, but after the point of need, I was, again, on my own.
Lately, I have been left to question the Universe on my last one. Let me check my notes...
Okay, let's see...musical, check...compassionate, check...intense, check!...knows how to deal with kids, check...intelligent, intricate, checkcheck...yep....mm hmmm...got that....and that...and that...and that. Okay, what did I miss?
YOU ARE NOT READY TO HANDLE THIS WISH
...hmmm, I forgot to put in something regarding distance, that must be it...understands why sci-fi, magic and fantasy are important to me...
YOU ARE NOT READY TO HANDLE THIS WISH
...exploration of skel...
...what?
Now, you're listening. Look at yourself. You have rebuilt yourself, sort of. But you have rebuilt yourself ON TOP OF THIS OTHER PERSON, and now this other person is going to proceed to beat you about the head with a clue-by-four. Soundly.
But I...
*WHAP*
Ouch.
You are not ready to handle this wish. You have a lot of rebuilding to do, and until you have at least created a stable foundation, you are going to be skirting the wish and getting it almost, but not quite. And you will keep doing this until you are strong on your own, when being alone no longer carries the full weight of loneliness.
It's the first time I will have ever considered returning a wish to the Cosmic pool for someone else to have...
Oh, that's a cute one. No. You're stuck with the consequences of this wish. When you are ready for it to happen, it will happen. Not before then.
But I'm ready now.
*WHAP*
Ouch.
You're so ready, you'll fling yourself head-over-heels into a situation which is no longer receptive to your presence. The owner of the situation has their own problems and is not likely to welcome you as readily, because when one has one's own problems, one can not shoulder another's. Even when one does NOT have one's own problems, another's problems can become wearisome, especially if they're the same old problems over and over. Oh, and one ALWAYS has one's own problems. The best one can do with another is to commiserate, empathise, sympathise, and offer some emotional support. You must be the one to right yourself, to build yourself strong, to fly your standard high and proud when you are ready.
But how will I know when I am ready?
Your Wish will be granted and fulfilled.
But when's that going to happen?
When you are ready.
But that's circular logic. The only way to really make this happen is to go on about my life, and there's no telling if this will ever come true in my lifetime!
Bingo.
So what do I do about it?
...
Hello? What do I do about this?
Live your life. Enjoy it. You will meet many people who will teach you many lessons. You may even meet the one you're looking for, if you're ready. But you can't stand still. You don't have time to stand still. Do something, even if it feels like not much progress is being made. Do something. Life is a journey. Count the milestones, but do not linger at them overlong. The next milestone is not a goal, it is purely coincidence that it is on your path. If you must have goals, keep them simple; it is the grandiose ones which keep one from accomplishing the truly great feats, for the bigger you make the goal, the harder it will be to surmount it, and you will have tricked yourself into believing that you can jump over it in a single bound. No, count the small steps. Take the small steps, for without them, you cannot go anywhere.
Is it wrong to have goals?
No. Just don't rest on them when you get there. Life is a journey.
This is not going to be easy, is it?
Let me check my notes...
*WHAP*
Ouch.
So, anyway I seem to have this curse. It's the one that goes, "be careful what for what you wish, for you will surely get it." It seems to be less than reliable, in that not every wish I make happens that way. Prosperous employment, for example, has not of late come to fruition.
And attempts to modify a wish seem only to result in more chaos.
But let's just say that I won't ever make a wish for money over love.
Index of Articles
The Grey Wolf
1 October 2001